#351 – Solitude

Posted by Beardo on Jan 10, 2012 in Blog | 0 comments

I often use the words “solitude”, “isolate”, and “seclude” on this blog. Sometimes I feel as if I’m being misinterpreted. I don’t necessarily imply that I lock myself in my room or confine myself  in the corner of the beach. Quite the contrary, I define “solitude” to mean finding a place away from any form of distraction from my ultimate goals, any evil or deviating perpetrator. This could be solitude from people, seclusion from my laptop, or both.

And the place I find solitude can be on my prayer mat at home, in a scenic location, or, ironically, in the company of people. I can find solitude by sitting amidst good company – a place where there is a practice or preaching of righteous actions – a place of seclusion and free from all the deviations of the world.

So I just though I’d clarify that, rather than portray myself as someone who avoids difficult or unwanted situations.

And that is my short reminder.

#350 – Beach in Winter

Posted by Beardo on Jan 9, 2012 in Blog | 2 comments

Spent yet another beautiful day at the beach. Since winter break is over and it’s a weekday, the beach was fairly empty and I found my own, self-proclaimed beach property, as temporary as it may have been.

I suppose I take the West Coast weather for granted, being able to go to the beach in winter. I told one of my friends from England and he said it was a freezing two degrees there.

After being on the computer for so long, seeing the rolling waves and feeling the warm, moist sand felt too real to be true. My eyes were so adjusted to the virtual, pixelated world.

Just to be able to rest my head against the sand, looking up to the sky without a concern in mind is enough to say, Alhamdulillah. Yet there is so, so very much to be thankful for. Just a glimpse at the homeless guy wrapped in an old blanket under the pier makes me pain for all those who have not been given the same opportunities and blessings as myself.

The beach has been a place of inspiration and solace for me, ever since I discovered it a year ago. It’s fairly close to my home, open all day, and best of all -there’s a Cinnabon shop and halal Wingstop close by. It’s a nice treat and retreat. Although, admittedly, it’s something I prefer to do alone.

Especially during this winter break when everyone wants to hang out, I simply want to find a place of solitude. Whereas I enjoy large or small social events, there’s boundaries and limits. A person can’t click with everyone, and after a while, you’re seeing the same people, making the same small talk each and every time.

#349 – Brush Your Teeth

Posted by Beardo on Jan 8, 2012 in Blog | 3 comments

I was praying Isha at the Masjid today, minding my own business and prayer, when I smell something funny. It was like a blend of feces and vomit, then stirred together in a pot with urine. Sorry for getting graphic here, but I really want you to get a feel of what it was like. That smell… it was from the guy next to me, who was conveniently huffing and puffing his life away.

It was like Ramadan all over again. You know, after everyone eats their pakoras and biryani and yogurt drinks – then they burp THEIR lives away throughout the next 20 rakaats. It certainly did bring back a lot of memories – just not the memories I wanted to dig up from the past.

The entire time, I was on the verge of throwing up. During the Dua, I could not keep my cupped hands at chest level. Instead, I cupped my hands over my nose. I did not want to be rude, but the smell was horrible. I did make sure it seemed like I was just making dua like everyone else. If I was rude, I’d have told him his breath stunk worse than fart and maybe offered him a breathmint.

I don’t understand, though. I personally have this habit of brushing my teeth whenever I leave the house – even if it is to the grocery store. Salaah is the place you’d want to emphasize brushing your teeth even more, not just because you want to smell good for your own concentration and khushoo – but because you don’t want to distract others.

These past two days, I’ve just been having pessimistic rants. Insha-Allah from tomorrow, I’ll pick up the pace with more positive, heart-warming posts!

#348 – Flaked

Posted by Beardo on Jan 7, 2012 in Blog | 2 comments

There is nothing I dislike more than flakes. How can you invite me three times in a row and then not show up? In that case, don’t invite me at all.

I turned him down two or three times in between, but I felt bad refusing so many times, so I relented the next time. And he did it again. He flaked. The deal was that we’d meet after Fajr, and then go to the bagel shop. I don’t mind not hanging out with someone. It just bothers me when they flake – especially without any notice. Once or twice, it’s acceptable, I suppose. But the third time, then something is up and that shows that you need to be more committed. Or choose a more suitable time – a time you know you can make.

And that is my rant for today. A pet peeve of mine, when people fall on their commitments. I expect all effort to be mutual, and at least have respect for my time.

If you haven’t been able to catch up yet, I was invited somewhere after Fajr. First time, he slept in. Second time, it was too foggy outside (really, now?). Third time, slept in again. I simply don’t have the patience to put up with this sometimes, yet I force myself to remain content with whatever happens.

But that’s where discipline comes in. You shouldn’t wait for anyone or anything. At the end of the day, people will do according to what is best for them. It sounds harsh and selfish, but isn’t it true? We want to fulfill ourselves in every aspect, let it be emotionally or whatever it may be. It’s rather sad how we victimize others in the process. I suppose it’s something we all do.

I see this in many of the people I volunteer for, too. For example, I might text my teachers and principals to see how they’re doing. But they’re  ”too busy” to respond. Then all of a sudden, two months later, I get a call from them, asking me how I’m doing and what I’m up to nowadays. Then at the end of the conversation, acting as if it was not planned at all, “OH! By the way! Can you come in today and fill in for me today?”

I simply remind myself during those times that I’m doing it for the students, for the love I have for teaching, for the goodness that I can receive from God alone for giving me the ability to overcome my laziness, to rise above my irritation at this selfish behavior, to take advantage of an opportunity to enhance my people and teaching skills.

#347 – His Khatam

Posted by Beardo on Jan 6, 2012 in Blog | 4 comments

As I mentioned yesterday, my life revolved around the Qur’an, Alhamdulillah. I studied at an institute. Actually, a couple institutes. They say the friends you make in Madressah are the friends that remain forever. I would say this is true, especially since the friendship is based upon the foundation of religious values and experiences. Since I started college, I’ve been somewhat out of touch – only popping in once every few months.

So when I went to the institute today, all the Hifdh graduates were there. It was a nice reunion. Since I taught their many times, even the younger students remembered me and it was one place where I actually felt comfortable.

I’m in charge of the institute’s Facebook page. I posted a small paragraph for him last night both on my status as well as the page:

So there’s this special kid, masha-Allah. He’s completed the memorization of the entire Qur’an. May Allah Ta’ala bless him with a long life, good health, piety, prosperity, and most importantly, the understanding of what he has just memorized. He’s a good person and a great friend. His name is Hafidh Omair. Now you’re going to be held responsible at a whole new level…with honor comes responsibility and accountability. But you’ll be fine, I’m sure. Keep it up, young padawan. You have done well thus far.

No sooner had I posted this, the statuses raked up over 50 “likes”. In addition, I had all the alumni ask me why they hadn’t gotten the same honor and recognition. Some demanded that I post a late status for them too. All this attention also made Hafidh Omair feel very special. This morning, he told me I was his hero and he gave me an extra special, overexcited embrace.

One of the younger students then came to me and said, “Could I ask you something? Could you please put my name in one of your articles?”

And then a former student came to me and said that my friend told him I would never come back to teach him ever again, so when he saw me, he said, “I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU’D COME BACK!”

Meanwhile, while I was in Madressah, I had this reputation… a reputation that I was very keen to get married young. In Arabic class, everytime something female-related would come up, all eyes would be cast towards me and even the teachers would take a short break to see me giggle my life away. We had to write an essay on our future visions once and I wrote that I am interested in marrying a color-eyed Bengali girl. So today, my friend says, “You know, all my cousins have green or blue eyes. If you’re interested, just let me know.”

Overall, it was a nice reunion experience. There really isn’t many morals in this post. It’s just counting the many blessings of attending an institute full of amazing, sociable individuals. Alhamdulillah.

#346 – Memories from the Past (Part 1)

Posted by Beardo on Jan 5, 2012 in Blog | 3 comments

Come to think of it, my life revolves around the memorization of the Qur’an – and that’s something I’m actually proud about. I can’t say I’ve accomplished much in my life, but those four years I spent with the Qur’an were the best days of my life in a sense. I’m definitely enjoying life’s adventure right now, Alhamdulillah, but there is nothing like being a full-time seeker of knowledge.

This whole flashback came about two days ago, when a little friend and classmate of mine sent me a message on Facebook. In his exact words:

can u make it to my khatam fridaY???????

I was overjoyed by his invitation, moreso because he had achieved something in his life. It’s a feeling off accomplishment that no one can describe, and no one can understand until they experience it themselves. At least for me, that sense of accomplishment never really hit me. It’s something you begin to appreciate as more time and effort is exerted and you begin to realize the responsibility that you had subconsciously accepted.

Even the day of my Khatam, which was almost four years ago now, it didn’t exactly hit me. It’s not like I walked out on the day of my graduation feeling a sense of accomplishment. I actually didn’t feel anything. Other than the overwhelming attention and undeserved praise (it’s really my mom that deserved that part), it felt like an ordinary day.

It’s only now that I sit down, look back, and think about it…This is a responsibility. Other than the fact that society judges you with higher expectations, it’s deeper than just that. It’s even deeper than the constant and consistent revision it requires on the daily basis. It’s delves into learning, understanding, acting, practicing, and teaching others. Come to think of it, it’s a responsibility that I actually cannot claim to have achieved – except in a technical aspect when there is no Imam in our Masjid to fulfill the duty of leading the Salaah, lol.

So I pray that Allah Ta’ala blesses that young friend of mine with a long life, good health, piety, prosperity, and most importantly, an understanding of what he has memorized. With the honor comes a responsibility, which I am sure he will be able to fulfill, insha-Allah. I told him not to forget us in his duas, or when he becomes a high demand, internationally renowned scholar.

And with that being said, may Allah Ta’ala bless us all with that same understanding, insha-Allah!

This is only Part 1. This is one topic I never get tired of writing about. It’s rather redundant from my DiariesofaHafiz blog which I actually started writing back when I first became a Hafidh. I moved the posts to this blog. I might or might not get to Part 2 tomorrow. It’s more like a series I’ve started for anytime I have writer’s block.

#345 – Reducing Yourself to Numbers

Posted by Beardo on Jan 4, 2012 in Blog | 0 comments

I’m sure I’m not alone in this anxiety. However, we all deal with these anxieties differently. Some are patient, others not so much. I’m probably the latter.

I’ve been researching on the universities, weighing my chances for each of the ones I’ve applied to. I’ve been plugging in numbers and making calculations. At one point, I made calculates based not on what I did, but what could have been done. And that’s a dangerous line to cross. That is the line upon which one delves upon regret and backward thinking.

Regret without change is useless. I have plenty of regrets in my academic career up until this point. I wish I had planned my courses better. I wish I had balanced the easy and difficult classes each semester, without crowding them for the last 2 or 3 semesters. But now that I have learned these lessons, I hope I can take it with me when I transfer (insha-Allah) and improve my method of planning.

As I was making these calculations, I told a friend about certain statistics. My friend then said, “There you go, reducing yourself to numbers again.” After some point, all you can do is hope, pray, and continue trying your best. Dwelling upon what could have been is preparing to fail.

So with that being said, I’ve taken it upon myself to accept fate. I’ve done what I could until this point. Quite frankly, I’ve had an interesting academic career with a year gap to travel abroad.

But before I call this topic quits, please remember me in your prayers, especially for those acceptance letters, insha-Allah!

Jazakallahu Khair,

Beardo